Rules for a safe and happy halloween
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if
it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them,
so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER walk off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, do not solve puzzles that open portals to hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply
to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out
that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason
for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch
up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed
here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle,
or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the
nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is
strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead.
You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time
to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or had inhabitants who performed odd ritualistic
practices in your house.