There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get
her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much
like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold
sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll,
but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the
dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started
talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The
old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know
of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he
stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me!
I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is
the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box
carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal.
It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you
haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick,
the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and
a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man
said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated
back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the
businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it
was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo
dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine
while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered
the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The
voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided
she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go
to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in
the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of
the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road,
and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that
she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo
dick, my ass!"